Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
