but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize