Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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