Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
