So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
