I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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