We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
