drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
