I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize