people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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