Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
