my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize