I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
