if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize