The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
