its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize