you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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