As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
