Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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