Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
