That's when you crack a 10am beer
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
