Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
