And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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