Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
