if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize