You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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