Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
