Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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