I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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