is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize