We're facebook friends in real life
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
