What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
