I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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