right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
