it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
