Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize