Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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