if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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