why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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