just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
