i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize