you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
