I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Two words: nipple clamps
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