Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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