This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
