So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
