Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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