Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
