not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
PANTIES FOUND
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