please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
