It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize