and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
