and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There's always time for handjobs
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
