I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Randomize
