Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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