D3 body, D1 cock
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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