dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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