feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
