remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
