I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize