So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize