you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Randomize