Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So squirting runs in the family.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
