Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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