I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
