My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
