the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Someone signed my nipple.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
