Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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