Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
