i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i will never coherently bang her
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
