I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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