I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
