do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
