Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
