Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
