tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
