end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
