did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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