she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
