dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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