Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
