i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize