Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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