hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
