it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
