yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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