I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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