you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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