i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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