i wish there were pregnant emoticons
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
