Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
