it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize