i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
