i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize