respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he fucked my hip out of place.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
