she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
