so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
