People in love make me want to vomit
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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